Time: The Way We Think About It & The Ways We Waste It
I’m in a bit of denial about summer ending and school starting soon. But it’s time to face facts. Kids go back to school in about 2 weeks here in Los Angeles. There’s something about back-to-school that makes folks feel the need to get organized. It’s like back-to-school is the second New Year’s. We make lots of resolutions and have visions for the year in January and then we do it again in August/September. I think our bodies/minds are so programmed after years of schooling to see this as another time of beginning.
Since we are in that new beginnings, coming out of the lazy days of summer vibe, I wanted to take this month to talk about time. It’s the first time I have done a series on one topic here on the podcast and I am excited and curious to see how it goes. This month we are going to talk about our thoughts around time as well as about practical actionable strategies to help you use your time a bit more wisely. Today I am talking about how our thoughts affect time and our experience of it as well as the main ways we waste time. And in coming weeks, I will be talking about my favorite time-saving tactic, as well as other time management strategies, why you should resist the siren song of multitasking and everyone’s favorite: overwhelm!
It’s going to be a fun month!
Before we dive into today’s topic - I wanted to let you know that I have added some more openings to my coaching calendar. If you want to get a fresh perspective on an issue you are having or need some clarity on what’s keeping you from reaching your goals, I’m here and it’s free. Just email me at hello@lizheron.com and we will set up a time to chat!
OK - so the answer to this question might be obvious based on the topic of the podcast but go with me..
What is the one thing people wish they had more of? You might say money, but it’s time. In one survey, 80 percent of working adults—both with and without children—wished that they had more time to spend with their friends and family. In a Harvard study, it showed that people with more time and less money where happier than people with more money and less time. With more time, you can make more money but with all the money in the world, it won’t buy you more than 24 hours in a day.
Time is literally the only thing we can’t get more of. Yet, there are things we do and thoughts we think that can affect how we experience time. Sometimes we feel like we have no time, others like we have all the time in the world. Some days at work drag on and on and others are over in a blink of an eye. And sometimes it drags on for you but your colleague is like “where has this day gone?!” How we experience those same 24 hours in a day is relative. We all get the same 24 hours in a day. We may use them differently depending on a lot of factors, but the main determination of how we use those 24 hours our thoughts about time.
What are your beliefs around time? Do you believe it passes slowly? Quickly? Does that change depending on what you are doing? Start listening to the way you talk about time to uncover your beliefs.. Are you always saying “I didn’t have time to get to that” or “I’d love to take that dance class but I don’t have time”. “There’s never enough time in a day” or “Mommy doesn’t have time to play right now.”
That one stings, right??
All of those those thoughts and beliefs affect how you experience time. Just saying those sentences make me tense and anxious! If you are constantly thinking you don’t have time, guess what? You don’t have time! And you are tense and anxious on top of it! The reverse is also true. If you are thinking “There’s plenty of time to do all the things I need to do today” or “Time is on my side” or “I always have time to play with you” then you feel more relaxed and content and will have more time because you aren’t running around in overwhelm and anxiety.
I want you to think about how you are using your time. You have a general idea of what you did yesterday but you are probably fudging the numbers a bit. I recommend that you write down everything you did yesterday (or do it as you go along today). It’s like a food journal but for your time. Be sure to include sleeping, eating, all the things! You will probably be surprised (or maybe not) at where your time is going. It was a little embarrassing to see in writing just how much time I spend scrolling on Facebook and Instagram or playing this match 3 game on my phone.
Now that you have done an HONEST accounting of the way you spend your day, take a look at it. What are the thoughts that come up? Are you happy with the way your time was spent? Any surprises? What do you wish you had done differently with your time?
That accounting is you on autopilot. That’s your default use of time.
Next, I want you to think about how you WANT to use your time?
What does your ideal day look like? And this can be a pie-in-the-sky day or you can take tomorrow as your example. What would you ideal tomorrow be? Is it getting 8 hours of sleep and having a 20 minute commute? Is it waking up early to have time to yourself? Maybe it’s not feeling rushed as you go about your day. What is the ideal version of tomorrow, in regards to time?
Then I want you to think about something a bit deeper. What if tomorrow was your last day? What would it look like then? Would it look different from your ideal day? My son is reading a book right now and the concept is that you could get a call at any time saying that you will die in the next 24 hours and the book follows 2 characters who get that call. If you got that call right now, what would your next 24 hours look like? Like I said last week - your time is not guaranteed here. So go there - Imagine tomorrow is the last day of your life - it very well could be! How would you spend that time?
After you do that exercise, look at the difference between those 2 days and your actual day. Where do you want to spend more time? What are the things you would let go of in your ideal day or on your last day? That will help reveal the things you hold important as well as a lot of the places you are wasting your time.
Let’s talk about the things in your day that are wasting your time.
Worrying - We spend so much time here. And worry is never productive. It can feel productive. But it never produces anything of value. It just wastes your time. Erma Bombeck says “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere”
People pleasing: We do this in the hopes that it will make people feel a certain way about us. Guess what? Nothing you do can make someone think anything. They are going to think whatever they want no matter what. I posted about a conversation I overheard in Hawaii - the guy at breakfast was telling his girlfriend not to post too many pictures so that people didn’t think they were showing off. This caused a little bit of tension between them that I could feel at the next table. Look at how he wasted enjoying a beautiful morning in Hawaii with the person he loves by worrying about pleasing others. No way! Fuck that shit!
Confusion & Indecision: By wallowing in confusion and avoiding making a decision, we are choosing to remain stuck while precious time marches on. Stop being confused! Instead of thinking “I’m confused, I don’t know what to do” try thinking “I’m figuring this out” and then take action. Whether it works out or not, it moves you forward and that’s always a valuable use of time!
Comparison and Judgment: We spend a lot of time doing this. And it’s never a good use of our time. If you stopped comparing yourself to others and judging them and yourself, think about how much time do you think you would have to create the life you want.
Regret: Look, we have all made mistakes. Done things we wished we hadn’t. But what’s done is done. You can’t change the past. The best use of a past mistake is to learn from it and move on. Drop the regret, pick up the lesson and move on. The next time regret pops up, look at it without judgment (remember that’s a time-waster too!) and ask yourself what was the lesson you learned from it. Then move on. Don’t waste time wishing you could have done something differently. If you could have done something differently, you would have. Case closed.
Overwhelm: I am tackling this one in it’s own show because it is the one feeling that comes up the most when I ask you all about time but let me just say this. Overwhelm never leads to action. It always leads to inaction. When you are feeling overwhelmed, what do you do? Turn around in circles looking for the car keys that are in your hand? Lay on the couch and play that match 3 game because it’s just too much to think about? Take a nap? Scroll instagram? When you feel overwhelmed, you wind up wasting all the time you say you don’t have.
This week, I want you to be aware of these time vampires. Don’t feel like you have to make a big change right now. Just start to be aware of how they show up and what happens when they do.
Ok friends, I’ve loved spending this time with you!! And I hope you have a great week!