The Four Fears That Almost Kept Me From Starting My Podcast
Trying new things can be scary. When I decided to start this podcast, I was terrified. It can be pretty scary to take a leap. To do something you haven’t done before.
Don’t get me wrong, I was (and AM) super excited. Like run around the room, singing at the top of my lungs EXCITED.
I know I am being called to do this podcast and that I have something valuable to offer to listeners. Yet there were still little fear monsters that snuck into my brain.In my experience, there are four fears that keep you from doing the things you want to do or dream of doing. Most fearful thoughts fall into these categories.
By identifying them, and finding ways to outwit those fear monsters, we can bust through them and start doing the damn thing!
So, let’s talk about the four fears that are holding you back.
Fear of failure
Whenever I want to try something new, I almost immediately think “what if this doesn’t work out?” Even if it’s the briefest moments, it still surfaces. We all know that feeling of “What if this doesn’t work out?” What if I fall on my face?”The quickest way out of this frame of mind for me is to really take that “What If” game to the extreme. It’s a little trick I learned from my dad when I was about ten years old.We were at the community pool and it had two diving boards, a regular one and a high dive. My sister was the risk taker and the much stronger swimmer so she would run up the ladder and dive off that high dive like it was no big deal. Meanwhile, I was more cautious and anxious about all the ways things could go wrong. I just hated the idea of getting up there and jumping in the water. So I stuck to the low dive. I would jump in, dog paddle around and head back to my chair to put my nose back in a book. The idea of climbing all the way up there, getting out there and jumping off was, to put it mildly, terrifying.I remember my dad trying to convince me to give it a try and asking me “What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Without missing a beat, I said in my overly dramatic tween way “I could die! I could hit my head and die!”Yes, I was concerned about hitting my head on the bottom of this twelve-feet-deep pool and immediately dying. (Isn’t it funny how saying a fear out loud can immediately show you how ridiculous it is??)🙄
My dad’s response came just as quickly as mine. “Okay. So then you die. And you never have to worry about jumping off the high dive again.”I remember being horrified by that answer. I also remember not really being able to argue with his logic. You can’t go through life worrying that every new thing you try is going to kill you.
When you go to the worst thing that could happen, you realize it’s either ridiculous or not that bad. We spend so much time worrying about what could go wrong and nine out of 10 times, none of that happens.And if it does? If you try something and fail? Turn those L’s into lessons. I have retrained my brain to look at losses or setbacks as teachable moments, especially when I am trying something new.
Recently, I learned to play chess (and when I say I “learned to play chess” I mean I was taught the basic rules and I sorta understood them). I played a couple of games against experienced players and got really frustrated. Then I played some games against my boyfriend’s son who was also just learning and it was awesome. Neither of us was losing, we were both learning. That really took the pressure off. Our games were fast because we were failing fast and learning even faster.
Fear of success
This sounds like the most ridiculous fear, doesn’t it?? Who could be afraid of actually doing the damn thing? And yet, I confronted this fear when launching this podcast. When I pitched my idea to Campfire Media and they agreed to add me to their stable, I was worried that I wasn’t ready to be on a network. I worried that this was the beginning of a snowball of success and what if I wasn’t ready? I was also really scared that I could finally be doing the thing I’ve dreamed of for so long. There is a great Marianne Williamson quote that says “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us."
Whoa! That’s a powerful thought. So often, we are used to playing small in our lives because we don’t want to rock the boat or make other people feel insecure or change the way other people see us. But I really think that as we step into ourselves and we do the damn thing that we want to do or that we're called to do, we serve as an inspiration to others. I really hope by me doing this podcast, it will inspire somebody else to think “Hey, if she can do it, I sure as hell can!” Because you can. I absolutely believe you can - 100 percent.
Fear of not getting it right/not being perfect on the first try
Oh lawd, this is a big one for me. Hands down, this was the fear that sat on my chest every time I recorded an episode or wrote show notes or worked on my social media calendar.This podcast is so important to me that I constantly worried that I wasn’t doing it right. Intellectually, I know that I can’t wait until I know every last thing about podcasting, social media marketing, writing, sponsorships, etc before I start. If that was the case, I’d never start anything. But that monster still sat on my chest.I freed myself from this fear by thinking of babies. Babies learn to walk by falling down a lot. We never expect them to just stand up one day and walk confidently across the room. If that happened, I think every parent would faint. Instead they cruise around the room, holding on to furniture until they feel confident standing. Then they may take a step or two before falling down. And they do that over and over. Then one day they can take a couple of steps confidently, but still wind up on their butts more often than not. Gradually, they are able to wobble-walk across the room. They don’t ever stop. They don’t fall down and think “well, I guess I’m not meant to do that. It’s the crawling life for me then!”Yet that’s exactly what we think when we aren’t immediately good at something. These burnt cookies must mean I am not a baker. I had an overdraft on my bank account – I’m no good with money. We are so quick to put limits on ourselves if we aren’t an expert straight out of the gate.We put all sorts of expectations on ourselves. I definitely did with the podcast. I have recorded and re-recorded episodes, scrapped some and had to start all over. I wanted everything to be perfect but, at the end of the day, I just need to do it. I had to take my own advice and just do the damn thing! I have a sign above my desk that says “DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT” and ain’t that the truth!?Take that wobbly first step and even if it's in the wrong direction, that’s ok. You can course correct. I like you can course correct. You'll figure it out. Every step you take is perfect in its own way.
Fear of what other people will say
This fears might as well be holding hands, skipping down the street with the other three fears. You rarely find the other fears without this one nearby. If we fail, if we succeed, if we show we aren’t perfect - in all three scenarios, we are often so worried about what other people are going to say about us.I have to remind myself all the time that people are often not paying as much attention to us as we think they are. The one’s that are paying attention and talk smack about you are often jealous that they aren’t taking the chances you are.Brene Brown showcases a great Teddy Roosevelt quote in her book “Daring Greatly” that reminds me to disregard the criticisms of anyone who sits in the cheap seats and isn’t in the arena doing the work.
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
If you are in the arena, trying, failing and getting up again then do not worry about the words of anyone who doesn’t have the confidence or guts to even try.They have a lot of time to comment on you because they aren’t doing anything. So let them talk. Good for them. That's nice. You've got other stuff to do. They can go suck an egg.
All four of these fears boil down to being afraid you can’t handle something. But you know what? You have handled SO much in your life up to this point and you can handle whatever comes your way.
Now get out there and do the damn thing!